Miscarriage

The first time I found out I was pregnant I had taken a test before I went to work and not noticed that it had a faint line. My mum phoned me whilst I was on the bus and told me the test had two lines. I automatically burst into tears and got very strange looks from other passengers...
For the first couple of weeks I was stressing out. What would everyone think? how will I cope? I'm only 18, I'm still so young! I personally don't believe in abortions so that wasn't an option for me. It didn't take long for the excitement to kick in after seeing all the baby clothes in the shops and picturing them on my little baby.

My mums reaction was surprisingly good. At first she was annoyed and went on about how I've ruined my future but like me she soon started to get excited. I think this was more because she already has a grandson from my sister, and its easier to take in the second time round.

I didn't have any sickness during the short time I was pregnant. In fact I had no symptoms apart from tummy cramps. Around 9 1/2 weeks into the pregnancy my cramps started getting bad and I had a few spots of blood. I was so worried and took to the Internet. Things like ectopic pregnancy and implantation bleeding came up, the fact I could be miscarrying didn't even cross my mind.

As my cramps were getting worse I thought it was best to get checked out at the hospital. They gave me a scan and told me I could be miscarrying. I still wouldn't believe it and my bleeding stopped, scare was over and I can get on with my pregnancy.

WRONG...

The next evening my cramps got bad again and the bleeding was back, this time heavier! I was curled up in agony. I knew this was it, I am losing my baby. At 4am(29/07/2014) I miscarried, the pain calmed and I was left horrified. What did I do wrong?

I had to go back to the hospital for a scan. It all became reality when the woman said the fetus has passed, those words hit me hard. I felt so helpless, the baby had gone and there was nothing I could do. They had to remove everything that was left, this was very unpleasant as you can imagine. For the first couple weeks I broke down in tears a lot, it was especially hard as I was working at Legoland at the time and I was surrounded by babies.

Me and my boyfriend had got excited about the thought of having a baby and decided we should start trying for another. I found out I was pregnant again at the start of September, this was amazing news. Thinking back now, we rushed into this decision and didn't think it through properly as I was just starting my second year at college but I don't regret anything.

Although having another baby helped to take my mind of the miscarriage I will still always wonder what my baby would look like and what personality they would have had but without that miscarriage I wouldn't have My little boy that I have today.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, most are for unknown reasons like mine. The most important thing is not to blame yourself. You will always wonder what if I went full term but it'll get easier.

Thank you for reading, my next post will be more upbeat. If you have any questions or want to talk about your experiences you are more than welcome to message me. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram!